petrodragonic apocalypse now
or; why i am ethically and literally correct to hate every single person older than myself who currently does or ever did exist until the day someone younger than me justifiably kills me for being terrible (good for them)
from the desk of:
subcomandante insurgente maker
minister for aktion esoterroristisch
Ejército Esoterroristia de Liberación Internacional
48.472626025615999, -123.456321312093145
avalon, xandar
it (see: the world, if you're nice and pay attention as best as you can [extra credit will be given to some, and you will feel it, but sometimes the thing that gets treated the worst is jsut because thats the thing theyre the most scared of beating them]) kinda breeds this weird utopian antinihilism of peace. like, its hard to be existentially sad about anything bad going on right now, because the only real reason to fear anything as a human that is alive is to stop being that thing, so once youre not really afraid of that thing anymore you kinda dont care about anything, but not in a nihilistic sense, in like a weird enlightened ie: feeling lighter sort of way. it lets you stare into existential dread and eternal entropy with a smile knowing that youre only afraid of a thing you made up in your head because therese no way anyone can actually know until it happens and in the infinite possibility out there it would be weird for yours to be the perfectly aligned answer and have it be BAD like that would be too rare to be real it would be too mean id like to imagine its one of the infinity minus one other ones that are better than that thanks so im jsut gonna roll the dice and assume i am wrong, i did not "totally 360 noscope" the afterlife like that one dude from calgary in the good place and am happy because my heaven is just like a bender meme of reality no im not that crass or boring, no, i just compare to the closest thing i can think of that i know happened to me for real and that was the time before i was a baby. that DEFINITELY happened by my estimation and idk it seems like it went fine i prefer existing to not existing so like, they got one thing right at least, im not ascared of being a prebaby because i have no reason to fear the outcome of no longer being a prebaby because i was a baby so what the fuck do i know about what its like to be a postperson that just seems incredibly selfish really
like all i am saying is i am literally not god or some other 4ourth plussed dimensional metabeing or whatever because thats quite literally, dictionarily, what youd need to be to get to choose how when and why you exist within all of physiotemporal space, i cannot know the answer because i cannot know the answer, i am doomed to live in one three dimensional line through time but thankfully for me and all of us it's entirely possible that it's a mobius ball of yarn and "you" right now is just a unique colour, texture, smell, feel of the strand,
which means you kinda always were
so you as a prebaby
so just like you were before you were a prebaby, probably
idk
im not god
i am not moaebiusxxnightbringer im just a fuccin dude or whatever
and i was at one time, presumably, based on my understanding of the rules of existing, before that i was a prebaby, at the very least. maybe forever, maybe not, but there was a period in existence without me, and the major change in the universe vis a vis having me in it was having me in it and that seems to have gone in my favour so far so hey, i'm calling birth a win, overall, compared to eternal entropy
so like, if that seems fine
why is being dead such a thing to fear?
how can it ever have power over you again?
what is that, really, but apotheosis?\
so right. like. oh of course everything out there is really really bad!
wow! like, really bad!
we had this one big hero country for a while, but like, their weird evil grandpa still hasn't died (we increasingly are willing to think witchcraft must be involved somewhere, the fact that they finally killed Kissinger and dick cheney was a false flag just look outside how many of the rolling stones are dead and how many of the cool beatles are still alive no ill tell you its all of them and none of them so you tell me what the evidence is on that one you useless fucking generations of idiot perverts -ed.) and is still in charge which were all a little astonished by because America itself is like, jesus, at least pushing 60 at this point in terms of being cool, they REALLY should have taken a real swing at this when they were in their 20s or something like what was going on 40 years ago that distracted all the people who were supposed to be paying attention? was it all the cocaine you got thanks to all the displaced south American refugees needing to establish a parallel market economy to trade in things los capitalistas dont want to touch like yucky drugs and protecting our streets from the fucking trigger-happy pigs that the state sends around in armoured vehicles twice an afternoon just to start shit like fuck off with that
anyways this all-might as dude's fucking grandpa is STILL not dead and man it feels like even he is surprised at this point and is kinda just letting shit fly and seeing what happens so that he doesn't have to die in jail or thrown into boiling gold or something they would much rather, at absolute least, die on their second favourite bed in their fourth favourite house. FIFTH favourite house if i get the good bed. i'd even settle for 6th best house but the guy id need to hook me up with the "entertainment" to make that worthwhile had a bit of a little bit of a "suicide" problem a ways back and now theyve got his emails and shit and things are real dicey so no, like, if i can at least go out in my sleep surrounded by as many people i can pay to look sad in my third best house i'll let jesus have the number one bed in it if it gives me the money the money the money the moneyyyy babyyyyyyy
but like thats what they are right? gen x? i guess is the target of this spear? every motherfucker in their 60s who still left their fucking NIMBY YUPPIE young grandpas and weird old uncles to run fucking everything like little strom thurmonds or like at least strom thurmonds best friend president joseph bouilliabaise biden senior rather than nutting the fuck up and kicking those fucking cunts out of power in the goddamn 90s or at LEAST after 9/11 like you HAD the dude in the seat, man, like, comparatively you could have pushed the bush-voting populace there, EASY, with THIS as the eventuality and internal counterargument for its own righteous destruction but you had TWO WHOLE Obama terms to fucking make a move and make this shit not inevitable but it appears that the hope and change shit was very superficial because it was incredibly fucking temporary and honestly was looking increasingly like it never existed or was at its BEST a cardboard facade hastily made like the 11th grade stage crew that got a LITTLE too into weed that semester after one of their older siblings came back from field of vision a changed person and taught them magic spells
this shit is firmly, generationally, your fuckin fault. you have to eat it. you have to.
you already have the perfect blueprint to follow.
it's called Snowpiercer.
look.
look who the main guy is.
it's him!
it's CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA
and god damnit, hell yes,
and like,
spoiler warning
but captain America BREAKS THE TRAIN
he SAVES THE DAY
he's the absolute best hero and we will build statues of him forevermore in thanks
yup
that's
that's everything that happens to chris evans in that movie
he wins, the end, movie over
yeah no, no he's... yknow... he's... fine? he's a hero! right! he did it!
be like him!
be captain America!
just dont
uh
like its fine to just turn the movie off then you dont
uh
i mean people do get off the train, yes, it is a happy ending
look what matters is the train got broken is
is the thing
you have to appreciate that
about trains made out of hate
is that sometimes you gotta break em
and its not always easy
or pretty
and you're very easy and very pretty
so yknow
giver a go
elon musk and jo rowling: exist
wait fuck no not like that what the fuck hey stop
but like, man, fuckin, what?
there is nothing to fear but fear itself
and we invent our fears
so like
it dont leave you with much to be afraid of if you stop being afraid of shit you dont know yet
so maybe, idk, go ahead and choose
choose to take arms against a sea of troubles
and by opposing, end them
for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil?
i mean, right? am i right? i JUST said that is that right to say about this stuff i dont know?? [sp.?]
but what dreams MAY come? what good CAN we do, if we forego the fear of knowing what's next for realsies? we either have nothing to compare to or something fine to compare to, whatever your side on that debate it's one or the other, and neither is a definitive "yes" or else there would be no real need for debate so it's clearly somewhere in the middle or something no one has thought of yet so if all your fears are based on things that currently exist or have been thought by anyone ever insofar as you are aware then you already know you're not playing with the whole equation because more stuff is probably going to happen between right now and when you do in fact give your answer to this question and, based on current human understanding at least, we're all pretty much just making our best guess on how that all goes if we're honest. like it all feels correct to each and every one of us which is why it gives us some modicum of comfort or at least hope for reward for my suffering that makes the suffering feel like warm water after the fact, i dont know, some part of that feels warm and so why the fuck not use that as my north star for existing it's better to have a flicker of light and warmth than living in cold darkness so sue me i guess whatever kick me out of the cool kids club for allowing bigots to not feel like theyre evil inside all the time i guess idk whats my fuckin crime for just trying to make people, in general, better tomorrow than they are today? even if they suck. even if they repeatedly suck more to personally me tomorrow, im gonna try til it feels like i cant anymore and baby we got a lot of tank to burn and thats before we even engage the renewables then were just on cruise control for humanity re: harmony and living on heaven
so idk dude thats kinda just the thing that i think keeps us going sometimes? it does for me. i dont think its necessarily a case of cognitive dissonance or some sort of solipsistic nihilism to just... try and be kind and have fun and live with joy first when there is darkness you could be personally lighting away with your blood if you really hated the dark so much you fucking coward, you know? even if sometimes it's a legitimate criticism? because for every time it is a legitimate criticism there like 4 that are at least real things one could critique but are ultimately incorrect or otherwise not actionable advice in the moment but perhaps worthy of storage for future reference, 20 that are just fucking crackerjack nonsense that does, at least, meet the criteria of being on at least one of the topics that were intended, even if it takes squinting a bit, and then there's like six million that are just absolute nothingness and that's to say nothing of the ones people do on purpose to counter your point, those six million and twenty five people were the ones that are still ostensibly on your side vis a vis your continued existence in linear time with them and doesn't take into account the seven point nine four billion that dont care as well as the, hopeful, minority that actively wish for your existential cessation which are functionally the same group if the relationship is "will this person be down to ride when the shit gets spicy" and the law of averages is not on our side, it seems, but it DOES seem like the greatest untapped potential vector for allies amid alienation is that giant group of people who DO NOT CARE IF YOU LIVE, importantly, OR DIE
but like
idk most of them dont know me i bet i might be able to change that a bit if im nice to everyone, right?
like at least at first?
and like, people might be mean but i know that i never mean to be mean to anyone so if someone is mean to me its just safer to assume it was an accident and then just keep being nice, that's what i'd hope someone would do for me if it didn't feel safe to say "hey, sorry, excuse me, but the thing you just did? i dont like it. can we stop that forever please?" like its easier to just assume they didn't mean it on purpose than have to ask that and hear them say "what? no. what's wrong with you? i didn't do anything wrong. you're overreacting. you're thinking too hard. dont worry about it so much. that's so cynical. chill."
i dont like it when people say that stuff
and since i dont like it because i dont like how it feels inside
i just do my best to not do anything that would make anyone feel like that
but look at me,
preaching to the choir
you all know this
you are humans
with, presumably, metaphorically or otherwise, souls
i do not need to explain this basic tenet of existing
the craving for safety
you all feel it
do you not?
i do not need to tell you to not perpetuate it.
who could ever choose to do such a thing?
so yeah when i say i like something i mean it
when i say youre my friend i mean it
when i say i love you i mean it
those words mean a lot of things, yeah
but all those things are pretty good
so i just assume its best to collect all the best feeling things that they can feel like
and bundle them together in a little pouch
so when one of those fireflies tingles its little glowing song
it reminds me of the whole bag
you would not believe your eyes
barf lol who am i evan hansen no i am e6n triceratops i mean subcomandante maker whaever fucking puppet helmet you want to put on me ill wear em all